Should my parent stop driving? The signs, the talk, and how they get around after

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A parent's driving becomes unsafe when specific signs appear: new dents or scrapes, near misses, getting lost on familiar roads, or confusing the gas and brake pedals. The National Institute on Aging lists these signs; age alone is not one.

Families usually arrive at this question after something specific. A scrape on the bumper with no explanation. A wrong turn on a road they have driven for years. A comment from a sibling after a visit. Whatever it was, it is now sitting in your head and it will not leave.

This article covers what the federal safety agencies actually say about older drivers, which signs are worth acting on, how the conversation tends to go better, who can make the call besides you, and what replaces the car afterwards. That last part matters more than most families expect.

The crash numbers, and what they actually say

The picture is more specific than the stereotype. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that in 2022 about 9,100 older adults were killed in traffic crashes and more than 270,000 were treated in emergency departments for crash injuries. That works out to 25 older adults killed and more than 740 injured every day. The CDC also counted almost 52 million licensed drivers aged 65 and older in 2022, a 77 percent increase since 2004.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration counted 8,019 fatal crashes involving drivers aged 65 and older in 2024, which was 20 percent of all fatal traffic crashes that year.

Then comes the part that changes the conversation. The CDC states that drivers aged 70 and over have higher crash death rates per 1,000 crashes than middle-aged drivers, and that this is "primarily due to increased vulnerability to injury in a crash." The same CDC page says older adults are more likely to have safer driving behaviors than other age groups. The higher death rate is mostly a fact about what an older body survives.

NHTSA puts the rule plainly: "Decisions about your ability to drive should never be based on age alone." The National Institute on Aging agrees, writing that "we all age differently, and for this reason, there is not one recommended age to quit driving." The question is about function, not birthdays.

This is useful to know before you talk to your parent, because they know it too. The signs below are the specific things worth raising.

What are the warning signs that it is time?

The National Institute on Aging publishes a list of signs for family members watching from outside the car. It appears on the NIA page Safe Driving for Older Adults. These are the ones NIA names:

• +Multiple vehicle crashes, near misses, or new dents or scrapes on the car
• +Two or more traffic tickets or warnings within the last two years
• +Increases in car insurance premiums because of driving issues
• +Comments from neighbors or friends about erratic, unsafe or aggressive driving
• +Anxiety about driving at night
• +Health issues that might affect driving, including problems with vision, hearing and movement
• +Complaints about the speed, sudden lane changes or actions of other drivers
• +A doctor recommending they change their driving habits or quit driving entirely

A few of these are worth expanding, because families tend to explain them away.

New dents and scrapes with no story attached

A car that keeps collecting damage is a physical record of contact with objects. NIA groups new dents and scrapes with near misses and crashes in one bullet, which is the useful way to read them. What matters is that something was hit and it did not register as an event worth mentioning.

Getting lost, or a simple errand that takes far too long

On its Driving Safety and Alzheimer's Disease page, NIA names a specific sign: "taking a long time to run a simple errand and not being able to explain why, which may indicate the person got lost." That is a different signal from forgetting a turn. It suggests a navigation problem the driver could not solve and could not describe afterwards. Our guide to how Alzheimer's disease changes stage by stage covers what else tends to show up alongside it.

Confusing the gas and brake pedals

NIA lists "confusing the brake and gas pedals" as a sign that a person with dementia should stop driving. It also appears in NIA's self-check list for drivers themselves: "Do I have trouble moving my foot between the gas and the brake pedals, or do I sometimes confuse the two?"

What other people are already telling you

NIA puts "comments from neighbors or friends about erratic, unsafe, or aggressive driving" on its warning list, next to traffic tickets and a rise in the insurance premium. What those three have in common is that none of them requires you to have been in the car.

Health changes that arrive before the driving changes

NIA describes several age-related changes that affect driving directly. Stiff joints and arthritis make it harder to turn your head to look back, turn the wheel quickly, or brake safely. Vision changes make signs slower to read and headlight glare harder to handle. Hearing changes make horns and sirens easier to miss. Some medicines cause drowsiness or reduced alertness, and NIA suggests asking a doctor or pharmacist whether any of them make driving unsafe.

NIA also names two conditions where the effect on driving is immediate. It writes that "the uncontrollable movements and loss of coordination and balance due to Parkinson's disease make it unsafe to drive," and that loss of limb control after a stroke can mean the same thing.

Some of these have a maintenance answer. NIA suggests a dilated eye exam every one to two years from age 60, and a hearing check at least every three years after 50. Neither one settles the driving question by itself. NIA gives both intervals in its own guidance on the changes that affect driving.

What changes when there is a dementia diagnosis?

Two things change. The first is self-awareness. NIA states that "people with dementia often do not realize they are having driving problems," which means the usual self-correction most drivers rely on may not be working. Family members are the ones who will see it.

The second is the legal picture, and it varies. NIA writes that "state laws vary regarding when a person with Alzheimer's should stop driving. Some states will automatically revoke a license when a person is diagnosed with Alzheimer's or another form of dementia. Other states may offer the chance for a diagnosed person to take and pass a driving test." NIA also notes that a few states require physicians to report any dementia diagnosis to the state department of motor vehicles, and says to check with your state's DMV for what applies.

That last instruction is the one to follow. This site cannot tell you what your state requires, and neither can anyone else without naming your state. The rules change, and they are not the same two states over.

NIA also says something worth holding onto for the early stages: "In the early stages of Alzheimer's disease or other types of dementia, some people are able to keep driving." A diagnosis is not automatically the end of driving. It is a reason to plan while the person can still take part in the planning.

Other people who can make this call

This is the part most families skip, and it is the part that takes the argument out of your hands.

A driving rehabilitation specialist

NIA suggests having driving skills "checked by a driving rehabilitation specialist, occupational therapist, or other trained professional," and states that the American Occupational Therapy Association maintains a national database of driving specialists. Your state's Department of Motor Vehicles or your parent's doctor can also recommend someone. NIA adds an honest caveat that families should hear before they book: "Note that there may be fees associated with these types of assessments." NIA does not say who pays, and coverage varies by plan and by which parts of the assessment are clinical. Whether any of it is covered is worth asking the provider's office and your parent's plan before booking.

A professional evaluation gives a parent who insists they are fine a fair test to point at, and gives you an answer you did not author.

Their own doctor

NIA lists this directly among ways to help stop an unsafe driver: "Ask the person's doctor to tell them to stop driving. The doctor can write 'Do not drive' on a prescription pad and you can show this to the person." A prescription pad is a small object that carries a lot of authority in a household where a doctor has been trusted for decades.

Calling the office before the appointment and describing what you have seen, in writing, gives the doctor something concrete to raise. It also means the message arrives from a clinician.

A course or a self-assessment

NIA points to the American Automobile Association's RoadWise Driver Course, "designed to help older adults adjust to age-related physical changes to extend their safe driving career," and to an online self-assessment from NHTSA. Both are lower-stakes than a formal evaluation. The self-assessment is taken alone, so a parent who is not ready to be tested by someone else can still do it.

How do you have the conversation?

NHTSA describes three steps for a family caregiver who has decided to raise driving: collect information, develop a plan of action, and follow through on the plan. Note the order. The plan comes before the talk.

NIA is more specific about the talk itself, and its suggestions are worth quoting closely.

• +Be prepared. NIA: "Learn about local community services to help someone who can no longer drive before you have the conversation with them. Identify the person's transportation needs."
• +Avoid confrontation. NIA suggests I statements over you statements, and gives the exact example: say "I am concerned about your safety when you are driving," rather than "You're no longer a safe driver."
• +Stick to the issue. NIA: "Discuss the driver's skills, not their age."
• +Focus on safety and maintaining independence. NIA suggests making an offer, with the example: "I'll help you figure out how to get where you want to go if driving isn't possible."
• +Be positive and supportive. NIA warns that the person "may become defensive, angry, hurt, or withdrawn," and suggests lines such as "I understand that this may be upsetting."
• +Consider broaching the topic gradually. NIA notes that "some experts suggest a gentle introduction of the driving conversation, and then revisiting it gradually over time."

NIA also names what your parent is actually defending, which is easy to miss when you are focused on safety. It writes that older adults worry about "losing the ability to run errands, attend appointments, and participate in activities that they did on their own for decades," and that "they may be concerned about becoming socially isolated and missing out." That fear is accurate. It is the thing your plan has to answer.

If your parent has been dismissing every other concern you raise, the driving conversation is unlikely to be the first one that lands. Our article on what to do when a parent says they are fine and they are not covers that pattern and how families work around it.

Advance driving directives, which almost nobody knows about

There is, and almost nobody knows about it. AARP Research published a survey in July 2024 on advance driving directives, or ADDs. AARP describes them as "planning agreements that allow a driver to identify a person(s) to help them decide when to stop driving and possible transportation alternatives." They work like an advance directive for healthcare, applied to the car.

The survey covered 1,003 adults aged 50 and over and ran in March 2024. Its central finding: 96 percent of older adults said they were not aware ADDs exist. Once the idea was explained, roughly six in ten said they would likely complete one if it were recommended by their child (61 percent), their primary care provider (60 percent), or their spouse or partner (60 percent).

That gap is the practical finding. Most parents have never been offered this, and most say they would consider it if the person asking were their child or their doctor.

The same survey carries its own limitation, and it belongs here. Only 24 percent said it was very likely they would actually follow the directive, though 55 percent said it was at least somewhat likely. Signing something in a calm year does not settle what happens in a hard one. AARP's own description stops at a planning agreement between a driver and the people they name.

The survey found two other things worth knowing. Sixty-four percent of adults aged 50 and over said they worry about driving in the future. Asked what they would do if their driving skills decreased significantly, 53 percent said they would get someone else to drive them, 39 percent said they would drive less, and 9 percent said they would take a driver improvement course.

How will they get around afterwards?

This is the question your parent will ask in the first thirty seconds, and the answer decides how the rest of it goes.

There is a real cost to getting it wrong. An AAA older driver fact sheet, produced with the Institute for Mobility, Activity and Participation at the University of Florida, states that "keeping older adults off of the roads is not necessarily the best option: cessation of driving can contribute to social isolation, depression and a variety of other health-related issues." The fact sheet cites research by Marottoli and colleagues published in 1997 and 2000. The fact sheet is published by AAA and carries its sources on the page.

So the plan does the preventive work. Without it, one solved problem creates another.

NIA points families to two phone numbers, and they are the fastest place to start:

• +The Eldercare Locator, 800-677-1116. This connects you to your local Area Agency on Aging, which knows what actually exists in that county. The Eldercare Locator is run by the Administration for Community Living at the US Department of Health and Human Services and can also be searched online.
• +Rides in Sight, 855-607-4337. NIA describes this as a service of the nonprofit ITN America that provides information about transportation options for older adults.
• +Local public and subsidized services. NIA notes that some areas provide free or low-cost bus, subway, rideshare and taxi services for older people, and that some communities offer a carpool service or scheduled trips to the grocery store, mall or doctor's offices.
• +Religious and civic groups. NIA writes that these "sometimes have volunteers who will drive you where you want to go." In many towns this is the most reliable option and the least advertised.
• +Deliveries instead of trips. NIA mentions mobile apps for meal, grocery and prescription delivery, and notes that most are paid services but may have free or lower-cost options for some older adults. Removing the routine errands often shrinks the transport problem to a size a family can cover.
• +Family coordination. A shared calendar with named drivers for named days turns a series of favors into a routine. A standing Tuesday ride feels different from having to ask.

NIA also makes an argument that lands with parents who resist on cost. It points out that "owning a car can be expensive," and that money no longer going to car payments, insurance, maintenance, gas, oil and tolls can pay for other transport, or buy gas for the friends and family who provide rides. For a parent who has been told their whole life not to be a burden, that reframing does real work.

The CDC offers a planning tool for this, called MyMobility Plan, listed among its resources for older adult drivers.

What if they refuse?

Some parents will not agree, even with a doctor's recommendation and a fair evaluation. At that point the question moves to the state licensing agency, and what happens next depends entirely on which state your parent lives in.

This is the place to go back to the CDC finding from the top of the page, because it reads differently down here. Drivers over 70 die more often per crash because an older body survives a crash less well. The same near miss therefore carries more consequence at 80 than at 50, which is why waiting for a clearer signal is itself a decision.

NIA describes the general shape: "Many states require retaking a driving test when there is reason to believe someone may be unable to safely operate their vehicle. Information on unsafe driving can come from law enforcement, medical personnel, concerned citizens, and family members." NHTSA adds that some state departments of motor vehicles place restrictions on drivers once they reach a certain age, and suggests finding out whether your state defines older drivers at a certain age, and what that means for license renewal, restrictions and tests. NHTSA does not answer that question for any particular state, and the answer is not the same two states over.

What neither agency does is tell you the rule for your state, and this article will not either. Your state DMV or licensing agency is the only source that can answer it, and NIA says the same: check with your state's DMV.

On the harder options, NIA lists what families do without softening it: "If necessary, hide the car keys, disable the car, move it out of sight, or consider selling it." That sentence is from a federal health agency, which is worth knowing if you have been carrying this idea around feeling like a thief for considering it.

Whether any of those steps is lawful in your parent's situation is a legal question, and it depends on who owns the car, what capacity your parent has, and what your state says. A licensed elder law attorney in your parent's state is the person who can answer it. Nothing on this page is legal advice, and a general article is exactly the wrong place to get a state law answer.

Refusal is its own subject, and it comes up across caregiving decisions well beyond the car. Our guide to getting a parent to use a walker or cane when they refuse works through the same resistance in a lower-stakes setting.

For the wider picture of what else usually needs attention when driving becomes a question, our guide to the signs an aging parent needs help at home covers the changes that tend to arrive alongside it.

Support that holds after the keys are gone

The conversation takes an afternoon. The transport situation is the rest of their life, and it is the part that determines whether this went well.

A standing schedule beats an open offer. "Call me whenever you need to go somewhere" requires your parent to ask each time. A fixed Wednesday pharmacy run and a fixed Sunday visit require nothing from them at all.

NIA names three things an older adult is afraid of losing: errands, appointments, and "activities that they did on their own for decades." Its replacement list covers the first two well. Community services run to the grocery store, the mall and the doctor's offices, delivery apps handle the prescriptions, and family drivers cover the appointments. Against the third category NIA lists one thing, the volunteers from religious and civic groups.

The AAA fact sheet names isolation and depression as consequences of driving cessation, and does not say which trips stop first. Neither does NIA. The gap in the paragraph above is our reading, not theirs. A schedule built only out of errands and appointments answers two of the three things NIA names.

The medical appointments do not stop either. NIA's intervals, a dilated eye exam every one to two years from 60 and a hearing check at least every three years after 50, are appointments somebody now has to drive them to. That is a real line in the schedule and it is easy to miss while arranging the social half.

The schedule can also be built after the argument. Nothing in NIA's transport list requires the conversation to have gone well.